Can't move on
by Tweetyyoo
Summary: When Rachel loses the love of her live, will she be able to move on with the help of her best friend Santana? One-Shot.


**Here is another one-shot I came up with. I hope you like it. c:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything and blablabla**

I kissed him forcefully and with all the passion I had, knowing this would be the last time I would see him. He kissed back with the same amount of passion and held me close to him. I pulled him closer if that was even possible, not wanting to let go. But then he pulled back from the kiss I saw the tears on his face and I knew that the tears were also streaming down my face. I didn't want to let him go, how was I going to survive without him? He was everything I always wanted, I didn't want him to leave. He just couldn't leave but I knew he had to, I knew it wasn't his choice. We just stood there, staring in each other's eyes, knowing it was the last time we ever saw each other. Then he gave me one last kiss and let me go.

"I'm so sorry" he said, his voice sounded broken, I knew it was for him as hard as it was for me but he hadn't got a choice, he was forced to go into the army. And I know he couldn't do anything about it.

"It's not your fault" I whispered back, I almost couldn't talk through the tears running down my face. His hand stroke my cheek.

"Never forget that I love you, I love you more than the rest of the world." I almost broke down crying on the ground when he said it, but I needed to stay strong, well for now.

"I love you too, You're my world. I don't know how I'm going to survive without you" I whispered.

"Just try to, for me. Go on with your life, please." I just nodded, I knew I had to, for him, it was the last thing I could do to show how much I loved him.

Then his flight was called and he kissed my head one more time before walking away. I saw him looking at me before going on the plane, the tears streamed down my face when I saw how the plane left the ground and flew away, taking my only, true love with it.

000

I walked to my work, my eyes were watery and everyone stared at me. The only thing I wanted to do now was lie in my bed, but I had promised him I was going on with my life and I had to keep that promise. Still, today it was exactly three years ago he left and I couldn't describe how much I missed him, it was like a part of me was gone, like I was split in half. When I arrived at work Santana rushed over to me and gave me a big hug that almost made me really cry, but I tried not to and gave her a watery smile. Santana was my best friend, I had met her at work and we immediately became good friends, she had always been there for me, even the last three years while I was almost depressed.

"This can't go on like this, you need to go on with your life girl, it has been three years!" she said to me. I nodded, "I know San, and I try, I really do. It's just like this really big part is ripped away from me and left a really big hole in my chest. And no matter how hard I try to ignore and go on with my life it just won't go away." I was on the edge of crying now but I didn't, it would only make things worse, I knew from experience. Santana sighed and looked at me. I saw there was something she wasn't telling me.

"What's going on San?" I asked suspicious. I recognized that look, she was sorry for something but she felt like she needed to, I had seen that look enough times the last two years.

"Santana please tell me you didn't!" I said, "Not today!" She looked at me with her sorry look and whispered quietly.

"I'm sorry Rae, I had to. He's really cute you know and he's sweet. I know him since high school, well I actually dated him for a few days but that didn't last long. Ok sometimes he says a few weird things but he is really sweet, come on Rae I'm only trying to help you with going on with your life!" I saw that she didn't want me to be mad but I couldn't help it, my mood wasn't exactly good today.

"How do you think you're helping me San? By constantly setting me on blind dates with guys who all are cute and sweet and do I know what you call them. You know that I'm only more miserable after the dates San, I'm sorry for this guy but tell him I ain't going."

"Rachel..." she almost begged, and I need to say, she almost never did that. Well actually it was the second time in my whole life seeing her like this.

I groaned, "San.."

"I promise it's the last one" she looked at me with those begging eyes and I was already bad at saying no, especially to her. I sighed. "Fine, but if I don't like him, you aren't going to set any other dates up for me." She nodded. "Deal."

"I should start working now" I told her and I walked to the kitchen to see what I could do. I worked in a restaurant. It was open for lunch and dinner and between that and it was in the Centrum of the city. I still lived in New York, where I moved after my high school to go to NYADA. But three years ago I quit school and get this job as waitress. I didn't sang anymore and my friends tried to let me sing again but it just brought up to many memories. Actually I didn't do anything what reminded me of him, and I didn't say or think about his name either, it hurts to much. Sometimes I really hated Santana for constantly setting me on blind dates with all those random guys she knows from I don't know where but I knew she did it because she wanted me to go on with my life. I sighed, maybe I should give this boy a chance if he was sweet and cute. I knew the one I really loved was never coming back.

0000

That evening Santana forced me into a cute pink dress. It was a strapless dress and had a brown band around my middle. I wore my pink heels, which almost had the same colour as the dress, beneath it and Santana did my hair. She was really trying to let me look pretty and I sighed.

"You look perfect, you just need to smile" she said when she was ready. I forced a little smile on my face. "That's better, now go on, it's time to go." She almost forced me out of our apartment. I had left my own apartment almost three years ago and was living with Santana now, I didn't mind it could be fun living with her, I've left my apartment for the same reason I left a lot of other things, because of the memories I had there.

I drove to the restaurant Santana said we were meeting and looked around. I didn't saw anyone who possibly could be my date because no one was alone. I looked at my watch and saw it was almost 7 o' clock. I looked in the restaurant one more time but still didn't see anyone who could be my date. If he didn't show up, Santana was going to regret this. I began tapping my foot impatiently and then felt someone tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see a guy with blond hair and a really big mouth, and I had to admit he was cute.

"Hello" he said, he looked a little nervous. "Are you Rachel?" I nodded and he hold out his hand, I took it.

"Sam Evans" he said with a smile

"Rachel Berry" I answered him, I smiled but it was a little bit forced.

"So..." he said. "Should we sit down?" I just nodded and looked at him, Santana was right he was cute but the last one had be cute too. We sat down at a table and I looked into the menu, I was happy that Santana had chose a place where they also had vegan food, but I knew she had did that because otherwise I couldn't eat.

Sam was really nice, and he was kind of funny. And I could see him as my friend, but nothing more. I had to say it was the best one yet. But my heart was just to broken to get into a relationship again. I really tried to keep my promise and go on with my life but it was just so hard. So damn hard.

"Are you ok?" Sam asked. I looked up, I was too lost in my thought for a moment. I faked a little smile and nodded.

"Yes, I'm ok" He frowned and still looked at me with a worried expression on his face. I didn't pay attention to him and my thoughts were again at my heartbreak. Santana had said that it would heal after a while but I had the feeling it was only getting worse. You should say that after three years the pain would have become less, but it hadn't. It definitely hadn't.

"Rachel?" Again Sam shook me back to the real world when he spoke to me.

"Yes?"

"Are you sure everything is fine?" I nodded.

"Yes I'm fine, actually I just am really tired. Is it ok if we're going home?" He nodded.

000

I said goodbye to Sam at my front door and walked inside. Santana was not here, she was probably at Brittany's. I sighed and walked to my room. I decided I need to do something to get my mind of things so I was going to clean my closet. I looked at the clothes and begin to part them into two piles. One was for the ones I wanted to keep, the other I would throw away. When I came to the bottom of my closet and get out an old jacket which I throw on the 'throw away' pile I noticed a box. It was still taped and I couldn't remember what was in it or when I put it there. I pulled it out of my closet and ripped the tape of and opened it. My eyes instantly started to water when I saw what was in it and I remembered exactly why I put it here and never looked at it. At the top was my senior yearbook from high school. I took it out of the box and saw the pictures. Pictures of us. A lot of pictures. I broke down completely at the sight of it.

The walls, the facade I had put up so securely for three years now came all tumbling down.

The tears streamed across my face while all the memories came back. The memories I had tried to put away all came back. The way his hand felt in mine, the way his skin felt against mine, the way his lips felt against mine. Everything came back. His smell, his voice, his beautiful eyes, his face. I saw everything in front of me in that one moment. I stood up and ran out of the apartment. I didn't bother to put on shoes or a jacket. I didn't mind that my make-up was ruined and I looked horrible. I just needed to get away from here. Fast. As far away as possible. I didn't look where I was running, I just ran. I ran for what looked like hours. When I finally had to stop because my feet didn't want to move anymore I fell down on my knees and I noticed I was on grass. I sat down and hugged my knees, my eyes shut. Trying desperately to think of something else. But I couldn't get the pictures out of my head, the pictures I looked so happy in.

"Rachel?" I heard a much to familiar voice ask, surprised. Great, now I also was hearing his voice in my head. I felt two hands on my shoulders. I really was going crazy, I was hearing his voice and feeling him. Santana really would send me to a madhouse if she knew this.

"Rachel! I missed you so, so much" I heard tears in his voice, his beautiful voice. I couldn't fight the urge to look up, so I looked up, directly in his face. Oh no, it was worse than I thought, I was also seeing him now. His beautiful eyes, his beautiful face. No, Rachel, he is not here. He'll never come back. I closed my eyes again and opened them, he still was there.

"Rachel? What's wrong? Why are you crying? Rachel please tell me everything is ok, I missed you so much Rach."

I looked at him, shocked and my hand was going to his cheek. I touched it lightly. Was he real? Was this really not a dream? Or was it? I didn't know it anymore. I didn't know what was real and what was just my imagination.

"F-finn?" I managed to say, my voice trembling. He put his arms around me and hugged me close to him and I put my arms around his back to, holding him as close as I could.

"Yes Rach, it's me. It's really me."

"I'm not dreaming?" I asked, still unsure. He chuckled lightly and my world get instantly better at the sound of him chuckling.

"No, Rach, you're not dreaming. I'm back. And I'll never leave you again. I missed you so much Rachel."

"I missed you too, so much. So much Finn." He wipes a few tears from my face, still holding me.

"Why were you crying?"

"Because..." I hesitated for a moment before I whispered "I-i it's just...it were three years today Finn, exactly three years. And I thought I would never see you again. And I saw our old photos and I just, I couldn't handle it Finn." The tears came again and he kissed them away.

"I'm here now Rach, and I'll never leave you again. Never. I promise."

"I love you, so much" I said.

"I love you too, more than you'll ever know."

**Reviews are reeaaally welcome :D**


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